Top Mistakes People Make When Giving Pleasure
I'm always amazed by how many people don't speak up about what they like and don't like during sex. But I also get it because this was me for a long time...
Too scared to outright say what I wanted. Worried about hurting my lover's ego. Not sure what to ask for instead. Or I'd gone along with something too long and felt embarrassed to say that I actually didn't like it.
Because these things too often go unspoken, I decided to do a little research about the top mistakes people say their lovers make while pleasuring them. I polled a facebook group I'm in and here's what I learned. Note that the focus is on heterosexual couples.
Top mistakes men/people with penises say women make while pleasuring them:
Too much teeth
Not using enough saliva/lube
Not enough eye contact
Treat it likes it’s a chore - not enough passion/enthusiasm
Too fast - it's not a race!
Not enough attention to the tip/frenulum
Not enough attention to the balls
Not doing it at all or enough
Not going deep enough
Treating it like a piece of meat
Not doing it long enough
No rhythm
No sound/dirty talk
Not communicating/asking what I like
Top mistakes women/people with vulvas say men make while giving them pleasure:
Inconsistent - changing it up right when it gets good
Spiky facial hair and sensitive skin don’t mix! - it’s painful and distracting
Going too fast/rushing - I need more than 2 mins
Too hard or fast on the clitoris
Thinking he knows exactly what I want but won’t listen to me telling him
Using a poking or jack hammer motion with the fingers or tongue
Not knowing where the clitoris is - thinking the side of the lip is the clitoris
Starting out too rough
Dry rubbing my clitoris
Choking me to the point I can’t breathe
Not knowing how to pay attention to women’s bodies and cues
Not enough foreplay - going straight for the vagina without attending to other erogenous zones first
Thinking their penis is enough pleasure and that since they’ve “been around” they know what I like
Staying in one spot too long, rubbing it raw
Giving up
Finishing before us
Twisting, yanking, pulling or pinching my nipples
The truth is, everyone is different — some people would prefer eye contact, others would want to have their eyes closed, some like pain, other’s don’t, and people are sensitive in different places — so if you really want to know what your lover likes, ask them to show you!
About the Author: Allie Andrews, Sex & Intimacy Coach
Whether it’s through boutique coaching, intimate groups, transformational workshops or writing, Allie helps individuals and couples have better sex and feel happier and more secure in themselves and their relationships.
Allie is a Somatica® Certified Sex and Relationship Coach, Certified Yoga Teacher and Certified Holistic Health Coach with her Masters in Education. Learn more >>
