3 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life

Is your sex life lacking variety and excitement? Or maybe kinda nonexistent? 

Whether it’s solo-sex or partner sex you’re working with, we all go through ups and downs with our sexual desire, so if you answered YES to either question, know that you are far from alone.

As humans, sexless phases, low desire, libido mismatches, sexual dysfunction are totally normal things to experience…

Especially if you’ve been with your partner long enough for the mystery to wear off. You’ve been through SO much together, you’ve seen each other at your worst and best, maybe you’re raising kids together, or taking care of aging parents…

You’re busy, you’re tired, and beyond that sex feels kinda boring ( I promise I won’t tell).

No wonder you don’t want to have sex. No wonder everything else feels more important. 

Or maybe you want to have more sex, but your partner doesn’t.

If you resonate with any of this, here are a few tips to cultivate your arousal, connection and excitement for sex:

1. Schedule (sex) dates!

For couples: Think back to when you were dating your partner. You set aside time to just be with each other. And even though it didn’t feel like you were scheduling sex, you were because it was happening during the dates or overnights where your sole focus was each other. So the number one piece of advice I have for couples where arousal isn’t just naturally flowing anymore is to start to date each other again, and specifically to schedule sex! (And please don’t schedule it at the end of the day if you’re like me and you know you’ll be tired or too full from dinner lol).

For solo-sexers (I just made up that word), or anyone who is just not feeling that turned on: DATE YOURSELF! If you’re anything like me, your sexual desire needs cultivating (I notice this more the busier I am). Set aside time to focus on your pleasure, whatever that looks like for you. Engage your erotic body through sensual movement or self-massage or self-pleasure. Engage your erotic mind by listening to or reading erotica (or watching porn if that’s your thing). There are even apps out there like Dipsea to help! 

2. Explore your yeses, nos and maybes

Just how adventurous are you (me, I’m pretty vanilla but I do like some out there things)? What about your partner? Doing this exercise solo, or with your love if you have one, will help you get to know yourself and each other sexually. It’s a great way to get creative and shake up your routine – and who knows it might just open up a conversation about something you or they have been wanting to try for a while but haven’t talked about.

3. Unveil your core erotic desires

I’ve talked about this before, but knowing your *unique* core desires is the key to unlocking the best, hottest sex of your life. They’re the reason certain sexual experiences and memories stand out in your mind, still to this day after years and years. Knowing what they are, where they stem from, and what evokes these feelings in you can transform sex from sub-par and unexciting to one of the most connecting, pleasurable, empowering, and even healing parts of your life. And knowing your partner’s core desires is the key to turning them on in new and exciting ways (and will work wayyyyy better than just asking for a blowjob or saying “let’s do it”. I say this with so much love.)

I hope these tips help. And as always, if you're looking for support in the realms of sex and intimacy, it's what I do and I would love to chat with you. Schedule a free discovery call here.

xox,

Allie

P.S. If you want my support implementing these practices into your life and relationship with ease, that’s exactly what I’ll guide you do inside of the 14 Days to Better Sex Challenge.

With my daily teachings, solo and couples practices, before you know it you’ll be:

• Scheduling time to connect with your partner (or yourself), both sexually and emotionally in new ways that you haven’t tried before.

• Have a list of your yeses, nos and maybes when it comes to sex that you can share with your partner or future partners – and the tools to talk about/experiment together to add more playfulness and variety into your sex life.

• Uncovering your core erotic desires (the top feelings you want to feel from sex, and what makes you feel that way) through a visualization that I’ll guide you through, equipping you with the information you need to take your sex life from good to mind-blowing(and deeply healing).

And So. Much. More!

So if you’re ready to *finally* add spice and variety to your sex life (so it stops feeling boring, like another thing you want to procrastinate) and start peeling back the layers to get to the root of what really turns you on, this challenge is for you

Enroll in the 14 Days to Better Sex Challenge for less than the cost of a dinner date, and you’ll be having better sex before you know it.

About the Author: Allie Andrews, Sex & Intimacy & Coach for Individuals & Couples

Whether it’s through boutique coaching, intimate groups, transformational workshops or writing, Allie helps people have better sex and feel happier and more secure in themselves and their relationships.

Allie is a Somatica® Certified Sex and Relationship Coach, Certified Yoga Teacher and Certified Holistic Health Coach with her Masters in Education. Learn more >>