5 Ways to Navigate Libido Mismatches With Grace & Connection
Today’s topic us something that many of us grapple with at some point in our intimate journeys: Libido Mismatch.
Your sexual appetite is unique to you — and changes throughout your life depending on factors like stress, hormonal and physical changes, resentment toward your partner, body image and more.
Thus, it's quite common for partners, especially long-term, to find themselves on different pages when it comes to sex drive and desire. And let's face it, it can be tricky terrain to navigate. It sucks being the one always turning your lover down or having obligation sex (a topic for another day!), and it sucks being the one who feels rejected and hungry for sex.
But fear not, my friends, because today we're going to explore some simple yet powerful ways to bridge the desire gap and keep intimacy alive.
1. Cultivate Curiosity, Not Judgement
Rather than labeling your or your partner's libido as too high or too low, approach the situation with genuine curiosity. What might be influencing each of your desire for sex? Stress, fatigue, resentment, performance anxiety, or perhaps a need for more emotional connection? Open up a compassionate dialogue to understand each other's perspectives without casting blame.
2. Prioritize Emotional Connection
Emotional intimacy can play a pivotal role in bridging libido gaps. For many of us (myself included!) an emotional connection* makes us feel safe to surrender into a more relaxed and playful part of ourselves. Set aside time to connect on an emotional level—share your dreams, fears, and desires. Create an environment where both of you feel seen and heard. Or go on a fun adventure if that's what makes you feel connected. Remember, emotional closeness often paves the way for physical closeness.
*For some, sex can be the very thing that makes them feel emotionally connected to their partner, while others need to feel a deep connection before being sexual. Do either of these scenarios resonate with you?
3. Explore Each Other's Desires
Get curious about each other's fantasies, preferences, and desires. Creating a safe space for open communication about sex can lead to newfound understanding and potentially uncover shared desires you never knew existed. It's about fostering an environment where both partners feel free to explore and express their sexual selves. (Check out my Sexy Conversation Cards to help you both explore your sexual self and open up a meaningful conversation with your partner.)
4. Embrace Quality Over Quantity
It's not about how often you have sex. There is no "right" amount of times to have sex or masturbate each week, month or year (although when you read about the health benefits to orgasm you may be inspired to do it more!), there is only the right amount for you and your partner individually and as a couple. And it's totally natural to go through periods of feeling more and less aroused (and attracted to your partner for that matter). Shift the focus from frequency to the depth of connection — or measure the quality based on whatever it is that you want to feel from sex, like the amount of playfulness, freedom, aliveness, transcendence, preciousness, etc. Cherish and savor the times when you make time to come together. Quality moments can be just as fulfilling, if not more so, than quantity.
5. Seek Professional Guidance
If you find that libido mismatches persist and are impacting your relationship, seeking the support of a sex and intimacy coach can be transformative. A neutral, compassionate guide can help you both navigate challenges, uncover deeper desires, and reignite the spark.
Remember loves, the dance of desire is unique for every person and couple. Embrace the journey, cultivate understanding, and celebrate the beautiful universe that is your shared intimacy .
If you're craving more personalized insights or simply want to explore this topic further, I'm here for you. Schedule a free call with me, and let's embark on a journey to deeper connection and fulfillment.
xox,
Allie
P.S. Mismatched libido is not only about a difference in the frequency that you and your love want to have sex. It can also be about a mismatch in desires: the reasons you go to sex in the first place. In case you missed it, here's a post on core desires and how they shape and drive our intimate connections: The Magic of Experiencing Your Core Desires >>
About the Author: Allie Andrews, Sex & Intimacy & Coach for Individuals & Couples
Whether it’s through boutique coaching, intimate groups, transformational workshops or writing, Allie helps people have better sex and feel happier and more secure in themselves and their relationships.
Allie is a Somatica® Certified Sex and Relationship Coach, Certified Yoga Teacher and Certified Holistic Health Coach with her Masters in Education. Learn more >>
